Intimate Talk

The change. The big change of life. Otherwise known as menopause. As folks with ovaries do, we will go through these years — perimenopause or actual menopause — the change in our ovarian function, marked by lots of not-so-fun symptoms. To help with those, though, is a much more fun solution at hand: Masturbation.

According to a new study from The Kinsey Institute and Womanizer, it was found that masturbation can improve menopause symptoms like sleep disturbances, mood changes and more.

In the study, 36.2 percent of the menopausal women surveyed reported experiencing improved symptoms through masturbation alone. However, only 1 in 10 of the women said that they currently use self-pleasure as a primary symptom management tool.

“This survey shows self-pleasure offers an effective, accessible tool for menopausal symptom relief, which is important to integrate with existing care strategies,” Dr. Cynthia Graham, the Senior Scientist at the Kinsey Institute, said in the study.

If you’re menopausal, or perimenopausal or you’re doing some research on how to manage that time when it comes later in your life, remember that some good ol’ self-pleasure is an option.

Masturbation can help your menopause symptoms (who knew!)

At Bloomi, we believe that everyone deserves access to their pleasure — especially if it means helping during an often challenging time for folks with ovaries.

Despite the findings of this study, though, conversations around menopause and masturbation aren’t happening in the medical community. In fact, only 44 percent of respondents reported ever discussing menopause with their healthcare provider. Among them, a tiny 5 percent said their provider suggested masturbation as a possible symptom-management strategy.

But that doesn’t mean folks aren’t interested in exploring their pleasure as a form of relief. Of half the women surveyed, 46 percent said they’d be open to trying masturbation for symptom relief if it was recommended by their healthcare provider.

Curious to try it out?

“There’s no reason masturbation should remain a secret in menopause care,” says Verena Singmann, Lovehoney Group’s Head of Pleasure Advocacy in the study. “Women have the right to know all of their options when it comes to managing the challenges of menopause, and we’re here to break the silence around masturbation as an empowering and effective choice.”

If you’re interested in exploring how masturbation can help your own menopause care, we think you should try these three things.

1. Try out a new vibrator

Maybe you don’t own a vibrator or you just need a refresh. To explore your menopausal symptoms management, try our Play Mini Vibrator ($35) which makes for a great beginner-friendly option, or the Caress Full-Body Massager ($65) which can both get you off and act as a massager for any soreness in your body.

2. Educate yourself on what’s happening to your body

No matter what age you are, it’s always great to continue to educate yourself on what’s happening to your body. To help with that, Womanizer is hosting a series of free educational public pop-ups with AASECT-certified sex therapist Dr. Shamyra Howard in U.S. cities with higher concentrations of people of color throughout September and October.

3. If you’re in the medical field, keep improving your care

And if you’re in the medical field, especially, it’s a great idea to improve your care for folks going through the change.

To help bridge the gap in menopause care, Kinsey Institute researchers Dr. Cynthia Graham and Dr. Justin Lehmiller will expand upon their scientific research on menopause during a two-day continuing education workshop with the Sexual Health Alliance, delivering practical strategies for providers seeking to improve care for perimenopause and menopause.

When it comes to gift-giving, finding something that strikes the perfect balance between thoughtful and playful can be a delightful challenge. Enter sex toys — the gift that keeps on giving.

While you may not immediately think of a vibrator (or other sex toy) as an excellent gift for your partner(s) or even yourself, think again! According to a study published in Sexual and Relationship Therapy, using vibrators can lead to increased sexual satisfaction and help individuals better understand their bodies. This makes them not just a fun gift, but a tool for self-exploration and improved sexual health.

Giving or receiving a vibrator can open up conversations about desires and preferences, fostering deeper emotional connections. So if you’re on the hunt for a memorable present tis’ the season, here are our three fave Bloomi toys to gift, from our hands to yours.

OK — you might think we’re biased. But believe me when I say: You or your partner(s) are sure to love our Caress Full-Body Massager ($65). This toy invites you to discover new depths of pleasure, and experience relaxing (and pleasurable) vibrations, whether you’re indulging in solo sessions or enhancing intimacy with your lover.

Why It’s a Great Gift:

• Elegant Design: The Caress Vibrator is not just effective; it’s also pretty! It will make for a beautiful addition to any bedside drawer.

• Versatile Usage: Perfect for external stimulation, it allows for a range of pleasurable experiences, from gentle teasing to intense satisfaction.

• User-Friendly: Its straightforward controls make it accessible for everyone, whether they’re seasoned pros or new to the world of vibrators.

A topic often shrouded in silence and stigma: a diminished libido. For many women, including myself, experiencing the loss of sexual desire can feel isolating and frustrating. A once-thriving sex life can dwindle, leaving behind feelings, questions and insecurities.

Luckily, though, there is so much education out there that can help get you back to where you want to be. My journey, and many others who are struggling with a low libido, have found help in a surprising solution: sex toys.

Yes, that’s right. Sex toys. Using them, I navigated the emotional (and sometimes frustrating) journey of my own low libido several years ago, managed to find my pleasure and initiate sex with bad b*tch energy again — all thanks to the sexual wellness industry.

The Struggle with Low Libido

Everyone has libido fluctuation from time to time. It’s just a part of life — with work stress, relationship changes, and the general wear and tear of daily responsibilities — and mine was no different. A few years ago, when.I started my Masters program, and was working a full-time role while navigating a global pandemic, I realized that my urge for sex had faded and I wasn’t interested in orgasm.

And when I wanted to want sex, I often found myself feeling anxious and frustrated, questioning whether something was wrong with me or not. This was, of course, before I became a sex educator and writer myself.

Now, I know where lack of desire can come from, how it can affect my relationship and that there is nothing shameful about hvaing a low libido. But back then, I wasn’t as sure. So I turned to the internet (naturally) for answers. What I found was other women, and folks of all genders, who encouraged finding what brings your true pleasure — even in ways I may never have, before.

How you, too, can seek solutions

Of course, not all the internet suggestions worked for me. But it was great to find a community that could understand what I was feeling. Then, I found a TikTok review about a clitoral suction toy and it sparked my interest in trying one out for myself.

According to one study, using vibrators can create different types of sexual stimulation, which can be beneficial when there is decreased sexual sensation or low libido.

Would introducing toys into my intimate life complicate things further? Would it signal that I couldn’t connect with my partner without assistance? Of course, these fears were valid, but ultimately, unfounded. I knew that wanting to explore sex toys was a means of empowerment, self exploration and maybe (just maybe) pleasure.

And I’d highly recommend it for you, too!

Embracing sex toys

If you’re experiencing a low libido, and need a new approach, I can’t recommend trying out Bloomi’s high-quality, body-safe sex toys, like these.

1. Clitoral Stimulators

One of my first purchases was a clitoral stimulator. Bloomi has a lot of those, but my personal favorite is their Massage Clitoral Vibrator ($45.) Designed specifically for external pleasure, this one can be incredibly effective in heightening arousal. Using it alone, I’ve discovered new erogenous zones and sensations that I didn’t know I had, and made me feel more connected to my desires.

2. Vibrating Couples’ Toys

If you have low libido, it might be helpful to introduce a vibrating couple’s toy. Bloomi’s Indulge Double-Sided Vibrator ($60) is one that can be used to spark adventure in the bedroom — whether you’re with a man, a woman or non-binary folks. The double-sided nature makes room for play, exploration and lots of pleasure.

3. Massagers and Prostate Toys

For those interested exploring different kinds of pleasure, massagers and prostate toys can be transformative. Bloomi’s Caress Full-Body Massager ($65) is a versatile, fun toy that can be used on both of your bodies for pleasure and even a deep massage. Using something like this can help create a deeper understanding of both of bodies and make each session an act of exploration together.

The Impact on My Libido

It’s no secret that, now, I am more than grateful for sex toys. Not only did incorporating sex toys into my life back then help my sexual desire, but gave me a new hobby, and eventually, a career in sexual wellness. The toys have represented so much more for me than potential orgasms — but a willingness to explore, communicate, and prioritize my own pleasure.

Slowly but surely, as time went on, I noticed a change. My libido began to return. The excitement of trying something new made me excited by sex, again. I felt more connected to my body, my desires, and importantly, my partner. What started as a tool for individual exploration transformed into a bridge that strengthened our bond.

If you find yourself grappling with low libido, I’d highly recommend consider exploring sex toys as a means of reconnecting with your desires. Whether you choose to use them alone or with a partner, these tools can help foster communication, exploration, and intimacy.

Are you ready to dip your toes into the dating pool? It can be both exciting and daunting, but don't worry — we've got your back! In this article we’ll dive into some tips and tricks to make your dating journey a little smoother and a lot more fun. 

Dating as a single mom comes with its own set of unique challenges and opportunities. Balancing the responsibilities of motherhood while seeking partnership can be daunting, but it also opens doors to fulfilling relationships and personal growth. 

Understanding your own needs and desires is key to finding someone who's truly compatible with you and your lifestyle. Before you start swiping right or left, take a moment to think about what you really want in a partner:

• What kind of relationship are you looking for? 

• How much time and energy are you realistically able to invest in dating right now?

• How do you envision your ideal partner fitting into your life as a parent?

• What lessons have you learned from past relationships that you want to carry forward?

• What are your boundaries when it comes to dating, and how will you communicate these to potential partners?

Finding Potential Dating Partners

Look for qualities in potential partners that align with your values and lifestyle. Pay attention to how they react to your role as a mom. Compatibility goes beyond shared interests; it includes respect and understanding of your family dynamics.

Figure out what kinds of social scenes and activities are the most interesting and engaging to you. You're more likely to connect with someone who shares one of your passions or interests.

🌈 Want even more queer mom content?

Online Opportunities for Connection

When it comes to finding potential partners online, there are a variety of dating apps and sites available. HER is a dating app designed specifically for queer women and non-binary folks, while OkCupid is a mainstream dating app that offers inclusive gender and sexuality options. 

For those looking for a more targeted experience, Pink Cupid is a dating site specifically for lesbian and bisexual women, and Match.com, although a mainstream platform, has a dedicated LGBTQ+ section. 

However, this is by no means an exhaustive list — the best way to find a dating platform that works for you is to search for ones that align with your specific needs and preferences. For example, if you're interested in exploring non-monogamous relationships, you might consider checking out Feeld. The key is to do your research and find the platform that feels most authentic and comfortable for you.

Remember Real World Connections

While dating apps can be a great tool, don't forget about the power of getting involved in your community! Attend events that align with your interests, whether it's a book club, a volunteer opportunity, or an LGBTQ+ organization. You never know where you might meet someone special who shares your passions.

Leveraging Your Network: Let Others Help

Another great resource? Your own community! Let your friends and family know that you're open to dating. They might just have the perfect person in mind for you. And when you do start dating someone new, be upfront about being a single mom from the get-go. It's important to make sure your potential partner understands and respects your family dynamics.

Introducing Your Children to Someone You're Dating

When it comes to introducing your children to someone you're dating, timing is everything. Wait until you feel confident in the relationship before making any introductions. 

Balancing dating with parenting can be a challenge, but it's all about communication. Keep an open dialogue with your children about your dating life and reassure them that they're still your top priority. And when it comes to your partner, make sure you're both on the same page about boundaries and expectations. 

Self-Care and Support: Don't Forget About You 

Throughout your dating journey, remember to take care of yourself. Dating can be emotional and sometimes challenging, so make sure you're making time for self-care and seeking support when you need it. Whether it's a night out with friends, a therapy session, or just some quiet time to yourself, prioritize your own well-being.

At the end of the day, dating as a single mom is an opportunity for growth, happiness, and maybe even finding that special someone. Stay positive, be patient, and keep an open mind. You've got this, and Gay Moms Club is cheering you on every step of the way!

It’s hot in theory. In practice, it’s often slippery – but not in a good way. Between the risk of slipping while finding a position that works and the potentially painful friction during penetration, shower sex can be tricky. Oh, and don’t you hate when only one person gets to be under the warm water while the other one shivers? 

Fortunately, there are ways to make the shower way more enjoyable for sexual activities, so much so that it can become one of your favorite locations to have sex. “Despite shower sex being a bit of an Olympic-style kind of sexual activity, it can actually be really pleasurable and exciting. The warm water is a great extra sensory experience to add to sex,” says Leigh Norén, a sex and relationship therapist and social worker. 

Ready for expert-approved tips to take your pleasure to new heights while showering? Here are five tips to help you have actually enjoyable shower sex.

How to have shower sex — even if you thought you weren’t a fan

1. Slip-Proof Your Shower

You can’t fully relax and enjoy the experience if you’re worried about breaking a limb. Norén recommends adding a couple of props to your shower to make yourself less prone to slipping and hurting yourself. A bath mat or a stool can go a long way in terms of slip-proofing your shower (while giving you a few creative ways to explore different positions). 

2. Invest in the Right Lube 

When having sex in the shower or in a hot tub, lubricant is a must-have for reducing friction and preventing tears. Water-based lubricants tend to wash off right away, so they’re less optimal. 

Norén recommends investing in a silicone-based lube: “Silicone-based lube doesn't rub off as easily in the water and will keep that pleasurable friction going during vaginal sex (as opposed to painful chafing from being dry).” 

Unfortunately, silicone has its downsides: It’s extra sticky and might not rinse off as easily. And it’s not safe to use with sex toys. If you’re conscious about the ingredients you put on or in your body, you might also be hesitant about the fact that it’s a synthetic ingredient. 

Here at Bloomi, we love a good shower time, too. An oil-based lube like Bloomi’s organic Delight Oil-Based Personal Lubricant might be a better option for you, provided that you’re extra careful about not letting it become a slipping hazard on surfaces.

3. Indulge Your Senses 

Once logistics like slip-proofing and lube are out of the way, you can focus on fun. Shower sex comes with plenty of unique opportunities to maximize your pleasure.  “[Indulge in all the things only shower sex can give you – the feel of the warm water on your naked skin, lathering each other in soap, playing around with the temperature of the water, suggests Norén. 

4. Leverage the Shower Head 

Plus, the shower comes with a built-in toy: the shower head. As long as you’re not spraying it right near the entrance of your vagina, you can point it to various erogenous zones, such as the clitoris, adds Norén. 

5. Avoid Getting Water Into Your Vagina 

Whatever you do, avoid getting water directly into your vagina. For women, sex underwater carries the increased risk of vaginal infection, says Norén: “You don't under any circumstances want to spray water up your vagina. This can cause infections and make you wish you never got frisky in the shower to begin with.”

Even with this precaution in mind, you should still have plenty of options to take advantage of the unique qualities of shower sex. Whether you spend a lazy evening cuddling in your robes afterward or head to post-quickie is up to you.