Lube 101: The best lubricant for every occasion

There are so many lubes out there — but for some folks, it can still feel like a shameful and taboo topic. Luckily, openness around sex and self-pleasure has been steadily growing over time, helping to rid ourselves of the misconceptions around lube, especially.

Sex coach Myisha Battle says stigma around lube often shows up for women specifically, since producing natural lubrication is sometimes mistaken as the only sign of arousal. If it's hard to get wet, that doesn't mean you aren't turned on enough.

Yet many women experience desire without getting wet. Carly S., a sex educator based in New York, adds that the biggest misconception around lube is that it's only for penetration. But that couldn't be further from the truth. Let's talk about why you'd want to use a personal lubricant during any sexual activity, and how to choose the right one for you.

What is personal lubricant used for?

Lube can be used for sex with a partner, solo play, with toys, and more. Using lube during masturbation in particular is a great way to spice up your self-pleasure routine. According to Battle, applying lube to your hand or sex toy during masturbation can take your pleasure to the next level, since you get the gliding effect immediately instead of waiting for your body to produce its own.

During solo or partnered play, lube reduces friction, which decreases discomfort and increases pleasure. It can also help take the pressure off the body and get blood flowing, which increases arousal and helps stimulate orgasm. Even for solo sessions without penetration, making everything more slippery makes everything feel better.

The important thing to keep in mind: there is absolutely nothing shameful about using lube, whether you're by yourself or with a partner.

Choosing the best lubricant: water-based vs. oil-based vs. silicone-based

When choosing the best personal lubricant for you, consider what your body needs and what feels good, plus what you'll be using the lube for most — solo or partnered play, with toys, condoms, or for anal. While certain lubes work in most scenarios, the best option usually depends on the act.

Both Battle and our team at Bloomi recommend natural, water-based lubricants since they won't disrupt your body's natural pH and flora. Oil-based lube has also become more popular, and unrefined coconut oil is a good option — it provides a different, more moisturizing sensation and doesn’t wash off as quickly if you are looking for a great lube for the shower. Always watch out for ingredients like glycerin, glycol, fragrance, artificial flavors and parabens, which can cause yeast infections, burning, or irritation.

Always do a patch test first

Make sure to always do a patch test with any new intimacy product, especially lube. Some folks have allergies they aren't aware of, including to plants or seeds in clean, all-natural formulas. For example, if you're allergic to sunflower seeds, then don’t use products with sunflower seed oil or extract. Apply a small amount to a less-sensitive part of your skin, like your arm, and check for a reaction — including a second check about a week later, since some reactions take time to show up.

If you just shaved or waxed, it's not the time to try a new lubricant. Freshly hair-removed skin is more sensitive and prone to irritation or ingrown hairs, so a formula that wouldn't normally bother you could cause burning or itchiness.

Best lubricant recommendations, by use case

1. Best for anal sex

Sexologist and Bloomi founder Rebecca Alvarez Story, MA explains that anal skin has a different natural pH than vaginal skin, so it's worth choosing a formula with that in mind. Oil-based lube tends to be a strong choice for anal play, since it's thicker, longer-lasting, and needs less frequent reapplication. Delight is a clean, oil-based option formulated to moisturize and lubricate for both penile and vaginal application. If you prefer a water-based formula, Smooth is also compatible with anal play, though it may need more frequent reapplication.

Some people also gravitate toward silicone-based lubricants for anal sex, since they're especially long-lasting and slippery. Worth keeping in mind: most silicone lubes on the market are formulated with a higher concentration of synthetic ingredients, so if a clean formula is a priority for you, an oil- or water-based option is likely the better fit.

One thing to note: oil-based lube isn't compatible with most condoms — the oil breaks down latex, making the condom more prone to breaking. If you're using a condom during anal sex to prevent STIs, a water-based formula like Smooth is the safer choice.

2. Best for vaginal sex

Water-based lube is, in most cases, the best option for vaginal sex. Smooth is a clean, organic water-based option formulated to moisturize and lubricate. Since it has a water base, it dries after lots of friction/movement, so don’t be worried about reapplying when you need more. It’s also formulated to be not-sticky, which is rare to find on the market. Like all water-based lubes, it is also condom- and toy-friendly, so if you regularly use latex or polyisoprene condoms, be generous with it.

Oil-based lube is another option for vaginal sex, and can be especially good for sensitive skin or for vaginal dryness related to hormonal changes like menopause. Most oil-based lubricants aren't compatible with silicone toys, polyisoprene, or latex condoms, since oil degrades those materials over time, increasing the risk of a condom tearing or a toy breaking down. The one exception is our own oil-based lube: our team put it through extensive product testing most brands don't do, and found it works safely with all of our medical-grade silicone toys. Condoms are still the one place the caution applies. Oil-based lube is best for massaging directly into intimate skin, where it soaks in like a body moisturizer — in fact, it doubles as one, absorbing nicely into the skin without leaving a greasy residue behind. It can stain fabric, though, so keep a towel handy or wash your sheets after.

3. Best for use with toys

The right lube for your toys depends on what they're made of. Battle warns against using silicone-based lube on silicone toys, since it degrades the material and makes the toy less body-safe. If you use silicone rabbit vibrators, g-spot massagers, or wand vibrators, stick with water-based lube instead — it's also the easiest to clean up.

If you use glass or stainless steel toys, you have more freedom to experiment with silicone or oil-based lube, since neither will affect the material. Delight can actually enhance the experience with glass or stainless steel toys.

Note: if you switch between anal and vaginal play with the same toy, wear a condom to avoid spreading bacteria — just remember oil-based lube and latex don't mix, so reach for silicone or water-based instead.

4. Best for peri/menopause 

If you're experiencing dryness or discomfort during intimacy due to hormonal changes, it's likely related to a drop in estrogen levels. Rebecca and other menopause experts often recommend oil-based lubricant in this case, since it provides added moisture and helps prevent skin-to-skin friction — friction that can cause microtears in anyone, but especially in perimenopausal or menopausal tissue, which tends to be thinner and more prone to them. If dryness is a persistent concern, hormone replacement therapy or estrogen creams may also be worth discussing with your doctor.

5. Best for masturbation

The right lube for masturbation depends on what kind of self-pleasure you enjoy most. For external play, Desire Sensual Pleasure Oil enhances sensation on intimate skin, and Luxe Arousal Oil — formulated with botanical aphrodisiacs to improve blood circulation — is another great external-use option.

For vaginal penetration, water-based lube like Smooth is the safest all-around choice — easy to clean up and gentle on vaginal pH, which matters if you're prone to yeast infections. If you're dealing with menopause-related dryness, oil-based Delight may be the better fit.