While having spontaneous sex is fun and you should take advantage of it as often as possible, it's not exactly realistic for most couples.
We know, media and movies would make you think otherwise — that sex is always a passionate, impulsive act. But in reality, the daily stressors of life can wreak havoc on sleep and busy schedules can make sex feel like it's not a priority. For this reason, it is so important to plan sex for you and your partner.
"We surveyed over 1,000 dating, partnered and married respondents to see how they're approaching modern romance and sex as part of The Knot 2024 Relationship & Intimacy Study,” a recent Knot article says, “Within our findings, we found that most couples aren't scheduling sex at all.”
But they should. Of course, we get that planning sex can maybe feel unromantic (or even embarrassing) at first — these insecurities are totally normal. But here’s the dirty little secret everyone should know: Planning sex is a great way for you (and your relationship) to get even better than it is now.
6 ways scheduling sex with your partner help your relationship
1. Scheduling sex improves the likelihood of impromptu fun over time
Routine is important in maintaining balance in our lives as it increases the likelihood of completing tasks by building them into a habit. The same goes for sex; if you haven’t been having it regularly, it can feel daunting to get the ball rolling again. Making an effort to keep sex as part of your weekly routine helps build and maintain momentum.
According to The Knot, their intimacy study found that nearly a quarter of all couples are either extremely dissatisfied or extremely satisfied with their sex lives.
“Sure, penciling in (or, in this day and age, sending a calendar invite for) sex sounds, well, straight-up unsexy,” they say, “But it's a necessity for some and can even bring the spark back for others.”
2. It builds anticipation
Knowing that you’re coming home to a lovemaking session can boost desire. Making it an intentional date also means you’re more likely to treat the event as the prized experience that it is. Take time to relish in some pre-sex prep by taking a luxurious bath, putting on your favorite lingerie, wearing foreplay jewelry or making a special meal with wine before your session.
3. It can promote connectedness and communication
No surprise here, talking about sex and fantasies can be a little tricky, but there’s a lot of research that proves how important it is. Discussing fantasies is the first step to getting your desires fulfilled and increases sexual pleasure. Discussing sensitive topics, like sex, also boosts connectedness and confidence in your relationship.
4. Your needs are being met
Sexual unfulfillment is a common complaint in long-term relationships. While it may sound unromantic, having a number of “bare minimums” for having sex makes sure that sex is happening and that both partners are having their needs fulfilled.
It also can reduce resentment by ensuring that both partners are prioritizing sex in their relationship. It is not uncommon for two people to have different libidos, so work together to compromise so that both people can realistically schedule sex into their schedule.
5. Numerous health benefits
In addition to feeling incredible, having regular sex can help reduce pain, alleviate symptoms of mental illness (especially depression), boost cardiovascular strength, and even lengthen your life. One J Health Soc Behavioral study even found that a high frequency of sex is positively related to a later risk of cardiovascular events.
6. Practice makes perfect
You can’t be great at something unless you do it over and over and the same goes for sex. Being able to experiment with new techniques and perfect the ones you’re already great at will make you a better lover and make you and your partner feel more satisfied.